Old Fartism, Shedding Skin, and Forward Leaning

 It appears that almost seven years has passed since I last posted on this blog and it occurred to me that it might be the right time to begin again as I remember the joy I experienced in the past as I recorded my thoughts, dreams, and experiences. 

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned to have the life that is waiting for us.

The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come."

Joseph Campbell

Campbell's words have served as a challenge and guide to me ever since I retired from full time ministerial work in 2007 and pursued a less demanding schedule as I explored various part time endeavors that continued to challenge and us my experience and skills. Around 2017 I stepped further away from that old life and began to limit my ministry activities to accepting the occasional invitation to lead worship and preach.

In an effort to "lean in" to the life that is "waiting" for me I am open to new experiences and learnings while keeping one foot grounded in the principles and faith that shaped me in the first three quarters of life. I will reach the age of 79 in March and I have adopted the following as a daily prayer.

Most Holy God, as I race along toward my finish line, instill in me a sense of gratitude that I might end my race with peace, love, joy, and celebration. Amen

One of the challenges for me is to slow down the "race toward the finish line". To breath, to look, to let go.

"Old fartism and old talk and speaking poorly of my life are the dangers. Unexamined, old ideas lead to the first death, that of the mind."

Jon Katz Blog entry in Bedlam Farm blog 1/17/24

Experiencing Beauty

Each day seems to bring news of so much ugliness; violence, conflict, devastation, death, etc., etc. The only antidote that I have found to the sadness and helplessness is to both carry and seek beauty to the best of my ability. This was indeed a weekend of experiencing beauty.

My wife, Mary, recently made contact with a group called “Street Soldiers” that gathers every Friday evening in Albany to share food, clothing, and other necessities with folks who are homeless. Mary created and put together seven beautiful quilts that she wanted to give away. She also baked cookies and encouraged me to make a large pot of chili to share. It was a summer like October Friday evening as we gathered in Washington Park with this wonderfully caring group of folks. The beauty was in the joy expressed by both those giving and receiving. See photos by clicking here https://www.facebook.com/fahey2017/

Our family gathered on Sunday morning to prepare “Brendan’s Breakfast”, a pancake fundraiser to honor and remember our grandson, Brendan, who was killed in a motorcycle accident last summer. We work together to serve pancakes (all you can eat), bacon, juice, and coffee. All donations received are used for camp scholarships. Last fall/winter we raised almost $3,000. All of those funds were distributed this summer. It is a beautiful experience to watch my family work together and it always feels as if Brendan is there with us.

In between these two events, on Saturday afternoon, we traveled up to Cambridge, NY to visit Bedlam Farm. The farm is home to author, Jon Katz, and Maria, a very fine artist. We attended the spring open house and were inspired by Jon and Maria’s hospitality and compassion. Just beautiful.

John making a new friend, Donna Wynbrandt. They sang, "I've been working on the Railroad" together.

 John and The Tin Man

John and Red

Autumn at Last

Late September days of temperatures in the 80's and 90's have finally given away to Autumn chill today. Reminded me of this from Harry Potter except it's happening on almost the last of September.

 “Autumn seemed to arrive suddenly that year. The morning of the first September was crisp and golden as an apple.” 
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Navajo Prayer

Anne Hillerman, writing in her novel, Song of the Lion, shares this Navajoh prayer used in the early morning to greet a new day.

With beauty before me, may I walk

With beauty behind me, may I walk

With beauty below me, may I walk

With beauty above me, may I walk

With beauty all around me, may I walk

Clouds of Sadness

Sadness

Like a cloud, it descends upon me

Distorts my vision of self and others

Clarity is no longer possible

All is fuzzy, out of focus

Like a cloud, it will pass

Eventually, when the sun shines again

                                                             AGAIN?

Rituals and Responsability

 I have been thinking recently about the connection between ritual and responsability. A responsability that can be to the animals, family, ourselves, others, community, etc. I remember that one of my daily rituals in the winter when I was on the farm in Iowa. The beef cattle were in a field a few miles from the main farm. In the cold weather the pond would freeze over during the night and this was where the cattle drank. My responsability/ritual was to drive over there early in the morning and chop a large hole in the ice. Every morning the cattle would see me coming and gather patiently at the edge of the pond. After I succesfully chopped through the ice they seemed to look at me gratefully as they lowered their heads into the water. I rmember fondly how our icy cold breaths would mingle in the winter air. This early morning ritual made getting out of a warm bed meaningful.

There was a time when writing in this blog was a daily ritual for me. It forced me to reflect, respond, and articulate the daily ebbs and flows of my life. I have not regularly practiced this "blogging" ritual since our family experienced a series of challenging and life altering occurrences. It is now time to again practice those rituals/responsabilities that connect me to friends and family. I believe that this is a significant part of the grief process and a neccesary step forward. 

"Keep Moving" by Dick Van Dyke

KEEP MOVING and other tips and truths about aging by Dick Van Dyke

                I loved reading this book. It is part memoir and part “how-to” on the art of aging. Van Dyke’s writing is optimistic, positive, energetic, filled with humor, and sprinkled with wise reflections on getting older. Van Dyke was 89 years old when he started writing the book. He is in good health, sharp of mind, and happily married to a woman over four decades younger than him.

                Here is what he shares in answer to the question, “So what do I think really matters.

                                1} Family and Friends

2} Questions (Always questioning about the meaning of life. Questions like; What can I   do to help? How can you be so sure? Am I using my time productively? Am I ok with myself? If not, why? Is my heart open?

                3) Music

                4) Books

                5) A Sense of Humor

Throughout the book the reader is treated to little examples of the author’s creativity and humor. An example is this limerick titled “A Separate Plot”.

There was a young man from Dallas

Who overdosed on Cialis

His body was laid

To rest in the shade

With a separate plot

For his phallus.

The final chapter of the book is a recent conversation between Van Dyke and his best friend, Carl Reiner, who is three years older than the author. Very funny. Finally, this poem.

The Thing That Lasts

The one thing that persists

From childhood through

Whatever age you are right now

Is the love we feel for one another

And still feel even more today.

Love is the thing that lasts.

You feel it more than the aches and pains.

You remember it when other memories fade.

You crave it when you have no taste

For anything else.

You pick it up when you feel weak.

It’s on your smile in the morning

And in your dreams at night.

It’s what you carry around with you every day.

It’s what you take with you.

It’s what you leave behind.

Love is the thing that lasts.

That makes it all worthwhile.

I wouldn’t trade a minute of it.

This is the Day!

Whenever I have the opportunity to lead worship, I greet the people who are gathered with these words; "This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it." (Psalm 118:24) I begin with these words because (a) I do believe that each day is a gift and (b) that the appropriate response to a gift is joy and (c) I am eager to set a tone of gratitude and joy for the service as it begins. But there is more to it then that. Many days are joyless. Frederick Buechner has written the following which begins to get at the depth of the meaning of these words better then I can.

Today

It is a moment of light surrounded on all sides by darkness and oblivion. In the entire history of the universe, let alone in your own history, there has never been another just like it and there will never be another just like it again. It is the point to which all your yesterdays have been leading since the hour of your birth. It is the point from which all your tomorrows will proceed until the hour of your death. If you were aware of how precious it is, you could hardly live through it. Unless you are aware of how precious it is, you can hardly be said to be living at all.

"This is the day which the Lord has made," says Psalm 118. "Let us rejoice and be glad in it" (v. 24). Or weep and be sad in it for that matter. The point is to see it for what it is, because it will be gone before you know it. If you waste it, it is your life that you're wasting. If you look the other way, it may be the moment you've been waiting for always that you're missing.

All other days have either disappeared into darkness and oblivion or not yet emerged from it. Today is the only day there is.

~originally published in Whistling in the Dark and later in Beyond Words

Super Bowl Sunday!

Saturday began cloudy and cool and gave in to pouring rain in the afternoon. We drove through the grayness to the Pioneer Museum in Dade City. http://pioneerfloridamuseum.org/

Mary wanted to attend the annual quilt festival that was taking place this weekend. Despite the rain we had a nice visit. Mary saw many beautiful quilts while John and I watched a horse pulling competition. It was amazing to see the strength of these animals even in muddy conditions. Later we went into the town and had lunch at The Blackeyed Pea.

Following lunch, Mary visited her favorite quilt store while John listened to music and I napped in the car. In the evening we played cards and listened to Prairie Home Companion as the rain continued.

Super Bowl Sunday dawned with blue skies, cool temps, and a brisk wind. The days activities included church, lunch at Moe's, grocery shopping, Super Bowl, wings, pizza, salsa, chips, cheese, and restoring John's I-Pad that crashed. I also squeezed in a short and cold bike ride. 

Betty Boop, Biking, and Stumpy the Gator

We experienced a fine Florida afternoon. Bright sunshine and 60 degrees. We met Dewey and Elizabeth at the Rexall Drugstore in Inverness, Florida. In the back of the store there is a classic 50’s style diner with good food at reasonable prices. Here are some pics from in the store and restaurant. 

 John as Uncle Sam

 Elizabeth and Mary

 John, I, and Dewey

 John with new girlfriend

Me with old girlfriend

Following lunch we went bike riding and walking on the Withlacoochee State Trail.http://www.travlinmad.com/blog/cycle-withlacoochee#.VoLTFhBv6xA.facebook= 

Before leaving Inverness; Mary, John, and I walked the boardwalk at Cooter’s Park and sighted turtles and a very active alligator. 

Ahinga drying his wings

 A Cooter turtle

 Stumpy the alligator is missing right foot

We had to visit the local physician!

On the way home we stopped at our favorite fruit stand to buy some citrus and the very best orange juice. http://ferrisgroves.com/

Changeable Weather

The weather has changed dramatically as it often does in February in Florida. We had been experiencing the Sunshine State (80 degrees) to the ominous clouds, pouring rain, thunder and lightning state (40 degrees tonight).

Mary, John, and Elizabeth joined me yesterday for a late morning walk in the park. There were no manatees in the water but we did see a lot of fish including a school of mullet swimming by. The sun was shining and it was a nice day to be outside. Following the walk we returned to our house for BLT sandwiches.

In the afternoon, John accompanied me on some errands with the understanding that I would treat him to a Happy Hour milk shake at Steak and Shake. Of course, I couldn’t let him drink alone. I had chocolate and John had cookie dough.

Still feeling guilty about the milk shake, I cooked a healthy supper of salmon and steamed carrots. Later in the evening Mary and I watched a few episodes of “Sirens” on Netflix. We find it to be very funny even though it can be a little raunchy at times. It was created by Denis Leary and one of the guys behind “The Wedding Crashers”. It follows three Chicago EMT’s as they go about their jobs and relationships. 

This morning I was able to get in my walk before the rain started. There were two manatees in the swimming area. Both had prop scars on them. One had a scar in the form of the letter F. You rarely see a manatee without damage from boats.

I took a nice long nap this afternoon as the rain poured down. A late afternoon trip to the library proved successful as I brought home four books. One is on my “Reading Across America” list.  It is “Once Upon A River” by Bonnie Jo Campbell.

For supper I made Tortilla Soup and chicken and cheese quesadillas. Tomorrow morning we plan to go bicycle riding with Dewey and Elizabeth in Inverness. 

Day One in the Sunshine State

Our first full day here certainly lived up to its reputation as the sunshine state with blue skies and a high of 84 degrees. It was in the 50's when I went for a walk early this morning in a nearby park. I was the only one there and was treated to the sight of manatees, wood storks, and an American Eagle.

 I love these gentle creatures.

One of three congregations of wood storks I saw this morning. 

The eagle was sitting atop the lookout tower that I climb every morning.

This is the view looking west toward the Gulf.

In the afternoon we traveld 20 minutes south to eat lunch at Sweet Tomatoes. http://www.sweettomatoes.com/ The best selection of salad, soup, baked potato, pasta, and baked goods. With a coupon, which they scanned off my kindle, the cost was nine dollars each including unlimited beverage and food. After lunch we shopped for groceries at an Aldi's across the street from the restaurant. Our pantry and refrigerator is now full. After all the supplies were put away, John and I washed the car. 1400 miles of salt and dirt and grime were washed away. We finished unpacking this evening and have John's Wiii and Netflix working on all tv's. All in all a fine day.

Safely Arrived in Weeki Wachee

We arrived at our rental in Weeki Wachee, Florida at five o'clock this evening with the 1400 mile road trip completed. On Sunday morning we attended worship at Our Redeemer Lutheran in Columbia, SC. Many of the folks there remembered us and it was great to share memories. Martha Allison took us out for lunch with a few others including Alma and Wally Shultz. Wally will be retiring this year and we invited them to visit us up north. I think they might.

I saw two signs along the roadside in Florida this afternoon. One was a billboard advertising a morning radio show. The sign read, "Get up with Chuck and Miss Mary". I wish I had gotten a photo of that. The second sign was small and simply stated, "The loneliest thing in the world is barbed wire". I'm not certain what that means but I don't think I will ever forget it.

We stopped for a brief visit with Dew and Elizabeth in Homossasa Springs. They are about 30 minutes north of Weeki Wachee. Elizabeth had graciously invited us for lunch but we were not able to arrive until three o'clock. It was so great to see them and anticipate sharing some more time together.

The car is unpacked but we didn't have the energy to do much else. Went out for pizza and some groceries. We will slowly unpack and settle in over the next few days. It was 80 degrees when we arrived and will be in the 50's tonight. We love arriving here and being able to sleep with window open.

Like Coming Home

Long travel day for us today. Arrived in Columbia, SC after six this evening. Driving pretty easy except for some delays north of Charlotte. There was snow covered ground all through the state of Virginia and in the mountains in North Carolina.

It was 64 degrees when we arrived here in South Carolina's capitol. We lived here from 1979 to 1983 while I attended seminary at Lutheran Theological Southern Seminary on Main Street and whenever we return it feels like coming home. Our two oldest girls, Carla and Susan, remember our time here with fondness. This evening we ate supper at "Rush's" which was one of our family favorites. http://www.rushs.net/history/

Tomorrow we will attend worship at the church, http://www.redeemerlutheransc.org/, where I served as an intern for one year and as a pastoral assistant for the second year. The people there were so supportive of our family and the experiences in that congregation shaped me as a pastor.

Much has changed about the area and the traffic is very congested now. We did not stop at the Seminary campus this time but just being in the neighborhood brings back many memories.

Traveling

We are on our annual pilgrimage to Weeki Wachee, Fl. I feel so blessed that we have this opportunity at this season of our lives. It is amazing that this is our 9th year to make this trek and our 6th year in Weeki Wachee.

The trip has been without incident so far. The further south we go, the more snow there is on the ground. Here in Virginia, Winchester received 31 inches last week, the ground is still covered in white. We drove through a few snow squalls over the mountains on I81 in PA.

This evening finds us in Strasberg, VA. We ate dinner at an Italian restaurant next door. The food was delicious. I had spaghetti and meatballs, Mary had a Buffalo chicken stromboli (huge), and John had cheese pizza. http://www.castigliasva.com/

Tomorrow we drive to Columbia, SC.

Ripening

Richard Rohr describes the aging process as "ripening". I find this to be both a challenging and comforting way to think about this stage of life. Richard Rohr's Daily Meditation Ripening You Are Being Led Monday, November 3, 2014

“The life and death of a human being is so exquisitely calibrated as to automatically produce union with Spirit.” —Kathleen Dowling Singh Ripening reveals much bigger or very different horizons than we realize. The refusal to ripen leads to what T.S. Eliot spoke of in “The Hollow Men,” lives that “end not with a bang but with a whimper.” I hope that you are one of those people who will move toward your own endless horizons and not waste time in whimpering. Why else would you even read this? Perhaps these meditations may help you trust that you are, in fact, being led. Life, your life, all life, is going somewhere and somewhere good. Ripening, at its best, is a slow, patient learning, and sometimes even a happy letting-go—a seeming emptying out to create readiness for a new kind of fullness—which we are never totally sure about. If we do not allow our own ripening, and I do believe it is somewhat a natural process, an ever-increasing resistance and denial sets in, an ever-increasing circling of the wagons around an over-defended self. At our very best, we learn how to hope as we ripen, to move outside and beyond self-created circles, which is something quite different from the hope of the young. Youthful hopes have concrete goals, whereas the hope of older years is usually aimless hope, hope without goals, even naked hope—perhaps real hope. Such stretching is the agony and the joy of our later years. Old age, as such, is almost a complete changing of gears and engines from the first half of our lives and does not happen without slow realization, inner calming, inner resistance, denial, and eventual surrender, by God’s grace, working with our ever-deepening sense of what we really desire and who we really are. This process seems to largely operate unconsciously, although we jolt into consciousness now and then, and the awareness that you have been led, usually despite yourself, is experienced as a deep gratitude that most would call happiness. Religious people might even call it mercy. Adapted from 'Ripening,' Oneing, Vol. 1, No. 2, pp. 11-12

Believing

In these cold and gray days of January I am focused on preparing to preach and teach at an event for new pastors in their first call. This annual retreat is called “The Leadership Guild for First Call” and I have had the opportunity to participate as chaplain, workshop leader, and preacher for a number of years. In 2016 the event will take place during the final week of January at a retreat center in Hartford, CT.

One of the things that I stress in the “preaching workshops” is the importance of recognizing and naming how often God feels absent for both our listeners and ourselves. No one speaks to this experience of the absence of God more profoundly then the author, Frederick Buechner. Today I came across this challenging quote that I think reflects the reality of living a faithful life.

“If you tell me Christian commitment is a kind of thing that has happened to you once and for all like some kind of spiritual plastic surgery, I say go, go, you’re either pulling the wool over your own eyes or trying to pull it over mine. Every morning you should wake up in your bed and ask yourself: “Can I believe it all again today?” No, better still, don’t ask it till after you’ve read The New York Times, till after you’ve studied that daily record of the world’s brokenness and corruption, which should always stand side by side with your Bible. Then ask yourself if you can believe in the Gospel of Jesus Christ again for that particular day. If your answer’s always Yes, then you probably don’t know what believing means. At least five times out of ten the answer should be No because the No is as important as the Yes, maybe more so. The No is what proves you’re human in case you should ever doubt it. And then if some morning the answer happens to be really Yes, it should be a Yes that’s choked with confession and tears and …great laughter.” [Frederick Buechner, The Return of Ansel Gibbs, 303]

JANUARY

JANUARY

"The shortest day has passed, and whatever nastiness of weather we may look forward to in January and February, at least we notice that the days are getting longer.  Minute by minute they lengthen out.  It takes some weeks before we become aware of the change.  It is imperceptible even as the growth of a child, as you watch it day by day, until the moment comes when with a start of delighted surprise we realize that we can stay out of doors in a twilight lasting for another quarter of a precious hour."
-  Vita Sackville-West

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” John 1:5

January, the first month of a brand new year; clean, new, open;

            pregnant with hopes……dreams………anxieties……possibilities.

Cold, getting colder……………………………………………..dark, getting lighter!

            Light pushing back darkness,

                        sunshine reflecting off snow covered lawns,

                                                             slippery ice beneath my feet.

Nights under quilts created and crafted by loving hands

                                                            keep me warm in body and heart.

Each January the light slowly, intentionally, forcefully wrestles each day

from the darkness; bringing with it, the promise of warmer days. (cs 1/3/16)

New Year's Day Prayer

A Prayer for New Year’s Day (from “Guerrillas of Grace” by Ted Loder)

Patient God, this day teeters on the edge of waiting and things seem to slip away from me,

as though everything was only memory and memory is capricious.

Help me not to let my life slip away from me.

O God, I hold up my life to you now,

As much as I can, as high as I can, in this mysterious reach called prayer.

Come close, lest I wobble and fall short.

It is not days or years I seek from you, not infinity and enormity,

But small things and moments and awareness,

Awareness that you are in what I am and in what I have been indifferent to.

It is not new time, but new eyes, new heart I seek, and you.

New Year’s Eve/Day

New Year’s Eve/Day

The ball drops, 10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1;

2015 retreats into history, 2016 advances as mystery.

Another year gone, wasted, squandered, savored, perhaps even treasured;

            like Mary, pondering and wondering about all these things;

Books read and unread, movies seen and unseen, friends present and missing;

            family times shared, birthdays celebrated, anniversaries acknowledged.

Trips, adventures, hopes, and dreams postponed, put-off, delayed and

            probably canceled, deleted, in fact, never to be?

The noise makers trumpet, the confetti  poppers explode in bright colors,

            couples share a fairy tale kiss hoping that their lives will magically,

 wonderfully change in the New Year.